dear people magazine

I know I am behind the times but I just saw the November 30th issue of your magazine, making a pretty bold statement on the cover. You claim to know the "Sexiest Man Alive". Really? Do you really have THE sexiest man alive in your magazine?? After flipping wildly through the pages to find out exactly who THE sexiest man could be (sorry, it is not Johnny Depp), I realized he was not in there. You are totally pulling my leg!

What the front cover should say is, "The Sexiest Man in Hollywood". At this point I would be begging...no, pleading for my money back. Luckily, I didn't spend a dime, a quid, a euro, on your farce magazine.

But, again, I would have to disagree with your claim. Because, as you all know, the sexiest man in Hollywood would be this man:
And, surprisingly enough, he was not included in any of your pages!! (Yes, I will give you a minute to soak this in). Really?? How can Christian not be included?? Seriously, People?? You know...C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N B-A-L-E!?! Did you happen to miss the two best and biggest Batman movies ever made? How about 3:10 to Yuma? The Prestige? Swing Kids? Little Women?? Newsies???? And you are supposedly a know-it-all publication. You have gravely disappointed me, again.

Besides, the title for Sexiest Man Alive has already been taken:
So People Magazine, you had better be sure to get your facts straight before printing such nonsense. The legal liabilities are just stacking up against you. Please.

Sincerely,

Utterly Disgusted