takes me back

So I'm sitting at the table, working on book orders...and can I just tell you how much I look forward to book orders??? I honestly feel like a kid in a candy shop, scanning the pages, checking and re-checking to make sure I didn't miss any book. I read and (you guessed it) re-read the review of each book. Then I have the horrible task of trying to narrow down my giant order. How can I possibly cut out any book that I deem perfect reading material for my kids and I??? I will tell you. It is not possible and a very, very hard decision. It usually takes me a good hour to cut my list down from 45 to 43. Then I send my list back to D for review, which inevitably is returned with a disapproving look and mumbling something about "no money" and "we need to buy milk, diapers and DVD's". I mean, really??? "Books feed the brain" is usually my arguing statement. The diapers?? Well, yeah, I guess we need those. But seriously...

Anywho. SO I'm sitting at the table working on book orders when an oldie but goodie starts spinning on my iPod. Instantly, I'm back in my old room; turquoise carpet, blue gingham duvet on the bed, an Austin Powers poster on the door, small hanging mirror ball from my light fixture and a naive 19 year old, missing her missionary. Yes, it's true. I told myself I would never do it. I was in total denial to be quite honest with you. I already had a few friends leave on missions but this one was different. Do you want to know how I knew?? I missed him terribly. I had never felt this way before, ever. About anyone. I felt like my appendanges had been taken and I was left helpless and crying.

I never wanted to be one of those girls. I watched some friends send off their boyfriends to a faraway land to preach the Gospel and I thought they were total suckers. I was always so guarded about my emotions. So to watch them blubber and cry and stay at home because "their missionary" was gone, I decided that was not for me. I was young!! I wanted to be out, having fun, dating, dancing, doing whatever the hell I wanted to do, without having to worry about hurting someone's feelings or feeling guilty for having fun.

But, there I was, bawling my eyes out for someone. It was a whirlwind of dating and movies and dances and concerts and just enjoying each other's company. It went by so fast! Well, it was January until May 18, when he left. But I really was just having fun. When, in the thick of it all, I fell in love without truly realizing it. And he was gone. For two whole years.

We even had a song. It is still our song. It is on our wedding video. We listen to it on our anniversary. We reminisce about when he first sang it to me and thus became our song (I will save that story for another monstrous post). So when he left, of course I listened to it over and over. Talk about torture! I might as well have scooped my heart out with a dull spoon. So during one of my lock-myself-in-my-dark-room-with-"our song"-on-repeat-moments, I had forgotten to press repeat and I let the CD continue without even realizing it. Then, when I noticed it was on the last song, I found there was a secret song that is not listed on the album. It is now considered to be our second song because it describes perfectly how we both felt.

So funny enough, during my in-depth book searching, that was the song that popped up on my iPod, without me even realizing it. Honestly, I had almost forgotten about the song and there it was, swelling up so many old emotions. So I did what I had wanted to do when I first heard that song, ten years ago. I walked right up to D, wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss to remember.